INEVITABLE

There are a few 'things' I need to address, occurring simultaneously, some trying and discouraging, others welcome and interesting.

Completing a payment to a school I attended this year that does not deserve the money is one task that requires attention. A stretch financially, and irritating, considering their (owners) false earnestness and smugly irresponsible persona's, as well as paying for supplies not supplied, instruction not given... Smarmy people will others into submission as they mirror our unease with evil. We can face the underworld we fear existing in our presence, thriving, and we can be lulled into inaction by the uncanny presence. They disguise calculation and contrivance with monetary stability, enabling false hope to satiate the senses. This is especially troublesome because I think that I am somehow endowed with a big label attached to my forehead that indicates that I am a target for these predators. The partners have written me, calling me disingenuous because I did not complain fast enough. Certainly, I am not quick enough to complain about problems, relying on others probity instead, which is not forthcoming. Complaining people get more for their money. I am considering paying them off in a truckload of pennies, which would be inconvenient for them. They wouldn't like pennies. I like this idea.

Secondly, I am curious about a sequence of circumstances that enabled a telephone conversation with someone from my distant past. This is especially abstruse as I cannot comprehend the meaning of this intersection of our lives. A website was found. "How did I find the website?", is a good question... " I find things" , was my reply. True. I can find information that seems impossible for others to discover. I can. This is not an ostensible fact. It is a demonstrated truth. However, there was an opportunity to reconnect with this person, many months after finding the site, and I liked reconnecting. Maybe there is no meaning, no purpose, just fun. Fun is fine.

Yet I do get muddled, unable to coherently speak; wavering words and strayed sentence structure force the conversation into stiltedness. There seemed to be more to say. He does not tell much, no personal stories, or even less private conversational reciprocation. Not now. Not for some time. I like to reveal. I love to impart stories. I enjoy communicating. There was a restless spirit met on the phone. He was not at ease. Yet... I loved the surprise I created. I need to address this event because he has twice previously - not exactly heralded, but symbolized a foreshadowing, a change in my life's direction. I like to think another transitional phase for me exists, and new beginnings are about to transpire. I need change, and I want to believe that a change is about to take place. Inevitable?