I am ever awake for you.
Ever wakeful
Ever awakening.
Even as your voice betrays
Your doubt
Your reticence
Your confusion
I am, for you awakened
To your need
Your call
Your need for me.
I am aching in your agony
Your ecstasy
Your rancour
Your resolve.
I am awake
And you remember me.
____________________________
I mourn for you, my beloved
A body I do not see.
I am a widow
That had no husband
But a husband you were to me.
I bury my grief, my lover.
I want no one to see
My desolation.
Your friends are now your family,
Comfort,
But not one friend did I see.
I was a wife without secrets,
But secrets you kept from me.
I was not prized -A shame in your life.
I was the best kept secret
I was a source of your strife.
Those years of growth and compassion
Of intimacy
Is now fear.
Forgotten promises
Are plans we held so dear?
The price of misunderstanding
Is grave shadows haunting the day.
Your cherished darkness
Is my shadowed life -
Betrayed.
Your darkness was enlightening.
Your solace was as near
As 'never', a word I hate to hear.
Our laughter, love and dreams
Were all dissolved away.
For your needs, my beloved
A price was paid.
I mourn for you;
You were a husband to me.
I mourn for my lover -
That memory
Shadows my life.
My heart aches for your touch -
Not that knife that
Sliced morality...
Not ambiguity.
You are dead to me.
***********************************
Somehow
a poem is in your eyes
when I see your face
in your picture.
It stares me down with
kaliadascope colours,
enlightened space.
Eternity is in your candid grace.
Your pure heart
has sung
a guarded tune.
That song is a spell
that
drowns my hope
dry -
compels me to cry.
Your longing,
yearning
burning desires
determined parting.
A cavern dark
a retreat, yours alone
and not alone
left me lonely -
emptied my soul.
Like a slow drip
water falling
drop by drop
dropping from that cloud
slowly love's light
seems replenished
with every word
you speak to me.
I want you to sing
a contented air
breath lightly,
abandon dispair.
Here is my song,
for you.
_________________________________